2 Truths & A Lie

2 Truths and a Lie: (you try and figure out which "fact" is the lie)
1.  I am working on my Master's Degree in Church Leadership thru an online university. 
2.  I've been a licensed massage therapist.
3.  I drive a minivan. 

I played this game one time when I led a women's Bible study at my church. I gave the exact same clues. In a group of 85 women, only 4 women (who didn't know me super well), guessed the right answer. Only 4. Hehe. 

TRUTH: I WAS a licensed massage therapist. Talk about the long, expensive way to try and outrun God's will & call for your life. Silly girl. Thinking I could outrun my call to serve God full-time. Oh the things He allows us to go through - and the time and money we waste! (PS - I'm DONE wasting my time and money, aren't you. Let's OBEY...say it with me: OBEY!) 

Now let's memorize 1 Samuel 15:22 (nlt)

Samuel said:

“What is more pleasing to the Lord:

    your burnt offerings and sacrifices

    or your obedience to his voice?

Listen! Obedience is better than sacrifice,

    and submission is better than offering the fat of rams.

TRUTH: I drive a minivan. Oh yeah I do. And I love it. We actually bought this sexy beast of a vehicle a year before we even had a child...that's love. 
I was an associate student pastor for about 18 months and when I got the swagger-wagon-grocery-getter, one of my beloved Mamas (Mrs. Teresa Shelton, I'm talkin' bout YOU), she gave me a coffee cup and stationary that said, "I'm too sexy for my minivan."  Yes, yes I am. I LOVE that minivan. Seriously L-O-V-E it! It's so easy and practical. And it has buttons that I press to open the doors. Press a button, BOOM: doors slide open, kids climb in.  BOOM: jealous much? Not yet? Let me continue...did I mention that my 2-yr-old can climb into it all by herself. My sexy sleek mama wagon sits low enough to the ground that my baby child can crawl into it by her self. BOOM: now you're jealous!


LIE: I am not working on my Master's Degree in Church Leadership (or any other studies). But I consider myself to be a student of the church. I love reading all things church and leadership and discipleship. I don't ever want to stop learning. The day I stop learning is the day I hope that I draw my last dying breath. 


What about you? What's a surprising little fun fact about your life that most people would find difficult to believe? 

Have a super great Wednesday. (and KEEP GOING!)

See the sexy beast behind me. 

That's what 'practical' looks like. 

Star Trek & Other Family Escapes

There will always be 'those' people. You know the ones. You might be married to one. You might be raising one. Or, Lawt forbid, you might BE one. They begin journal entries with "Star Date...". They believe speaking Klingon is the true gift of tongues from the Holy Spirit. They might even have a onesie-track-suit. And they definitely sit and deliberate how awesome it will be when the government finally lets us use teleporting (you know they have the technology...come on! Hey Uncle Sam, what do you think we are, STUPID?!?! CRAZY?!?!). 
Mean people call them freaks, geeks, but good Christian people, we call them what they are:

TREKKIES.

My Dad was a Trekkie. More of a closeted Trekkie. But in the privacy of his home, with his family eating salisbury steak and mashed potatoes from TV trays, watching our 19-inch tube television (that had been struck by lightning and only powered on by an "ingenious" toggle switch which sometimes caused the screen to roll and stop just perfectly so that a person's nose, chin and lips were at the top of the screen and their forehead and eyes were underneath the bothersome scroll line in the middle of the screen, making our crap tv the first-ever split-screen). But side-by-side, eating, watching, bearing the intensity of the amazing writing and acting, we were all a happy family of Trekkies. Dad wanted to be James T. Kirk. And I think Mom would have happily traded Dad in for the Captain.

But I remember it as family time. Watching old reruns together until "Star Trek: The Next Generation" came along. And then it was new episodes. New enemies. New heroes. New drama. New fun.

But as much as I love "The Next Generation", my Daddy raised me right, and thus, I'll always and forever be a beloved Trekkie devoted to "Star Trek", The First Generation."

And in that same living room, our weird Trekkie family prayed together, read Scripture together, and laughed together and cried together. We got happy news together. And we received devastating news together. 

But we did it together. 

So my big Trekkie wisdom for you today is: KEEP IT TOGETHER. 

Stay with your stupid husband because you love Jesus. Stay with your stupid wife because you love Jesus. Because your stupid kids aren't stupid. They're watching it all. They're hearing it all. They're building an arsenal inside their hearts and minds and one day, our sin will return to us through them if we don't break these cycles of selfishness. 

God is good. Your spouse might not be. But you might not be, either. 

Find a fun family escape - play Skipbo, Monopoly, Checkers. Take it old school, like we do, and pull out the sprinkler in the backyard and make everybody run through it. Trust me, you can't be mad and plotting your escape route when you're being chased through a sprinkler by your kids and your spouse. When Brad and I just can't take it anymore, we throw balls at each other. Yeah. That's right. We go outside and let Emmy run around the sprinkler and he & I throw either a beach ball or a bouncy ball at each other and we basically play "hit it or dodge it" - but it makes us laugh. 

Sometimes we just have to KEEP GOING through the pissed off phase so we can get to a place where we can laugh. Laughter helps us calm down, stop taking ourselves so seriously and remember why we fell in love in the first place. 

So find that escape for your family today. In the Johnson house, one of our escapes was "Star Trek". In the Phillips house, it's running through the sprinklers and/or throwing a ball at each other (not actually trying to "David & Goliath" somebody). 

As I learned from Star Trek (and from the Bible), our enemies are not from within our ship (uh, I mean, our home). Our enemy is out there, and if we find that he made his way IN, then we gotta armor up and kick him back to hell where he belongs. 
"For we are not fighting against human beings but against the wicked spiritual forces in the heavenly world, the rulers, authorities, and cosmic powers of this dark age." Ephesians 6:12 (GNT). That's serious, people. We're fighting against "the wicked spiritual forces". Oh dang. I've got chills. 

Our families are worth fighting for.

Don't leave your door open to the enemy. And stop looking at your spouse as your enemy. He/she is your gift from God. And don't even think about re-gifting him or her. (I know it crossed your mind!) 

Someone reading this is hanging her/his head with tears filling their eyes internally whispering, "But you don't understand. I can't take it anymore."

And I respectfully and lovingly say back to you, "Oh yes I do." 

I've been there. Maybe I was there a day ago or a week ago or a year ago. But I've been there. And when I couldn't count on my spouse to fill my heart or expectations (which he never can - he wasn't created for that God-shaped hole in my heart), I return to my Savior. And He heals me. Every. Single. Time. And He helps me stay (and WANT to stay). 

God loves you. God never left you. God never cheated on you. God never chose his work over you. God has never had a problem with pornography, alcohol, lying, gambling, eating, drugs, over-spending. God is the lover of your soul. The One who created you. He knows you just as you are and He wants you anyway. Exactly your weight. With your unforgiveness and your anger...He wants you just as you are right now.   

So go to Him. And KEEP GOING to Him. He's in the business of bringing what was dead back to life again. He did it through His Son, Jesus and He can do it in your marriage, with your kids, in your family. 

Keep on Trekking. 

"Submit yourselves to one another because of your reverence for Christ." Ephesians 5:21 (GNT)

(My parting gift to you...my best Trekkie look. Slicked back hair, big ears, high-neck-track-suit. You're welcome.)

I'm very busy and important. 

Check out that BIG ear!! 

PS - I'm typing in Klingon. 

Awkward Family Photos

When we were growing up, my Mom had one camera. Like one camera for my entire childhood years. I think it cost something like $35. It was a "super fancy" 35mm camera. Some of you thirty-somethings remember those. The flash was nearly blinding. And it had like some sort of crank that you cranked after you took each photo. And it was copied to film that had to be dropped off at Walgreens or Walmart to be developed. These are all words and concepts that make it sound like I'm from 1910!

And back then, we didn't know that we weren't supposed to look disheveled, unkept, off-guard and awkward in every picture. We had not yet figured out what the cool, young hipsters have now mastered..."the easy pose." The "best side of your face" pose. The "stick this leg out slightly to look thinner" pose. The "put your hand on your hip, but turn your arm ever-so-slightly forward so you look gaunt" pose. 

Nope. Back in my day the pose was "Look at the camera and say 'CHEEEEESE'" and cheese is what we got. 

But my beautiful sister, Jenni, and I try REALLY hard to be photogenic now (since most photos of us from age 7 thru 18 show ragamuffin clothes, bad hair, bad teeth, bad skin (and bad Sally Jessie Raphael red-rimmed glasses for Jenni). 

NOW, we do the Kardashian pose - you know, suck in, put on spanx, tilt the head to make the nose smaller, the cheek bones higher and the lips thicker & poutier. 
The go-to smile begins with slanted, smoldering eyes that seem to twinkle or flirt;  your lips are softly closed accompanied by a side-smile (as though you're smirking to your self about the inside joke that all these other fools aren't in on). Option #2 is the teeth smile - this is when you smile wide enough to show teeth. This smile is tricky because it must not be wide enough to show your 33 yr old jowls. You know jowls, it's when your cheeks fall and land somewhere around your chin line. So when you smile and you have jowls, it makes you look like you're carrying extra weight. Jowls suck!

If you're totally lost right now, that's okay, probably a great sign that you have not experienced "vanity run amuck". 

But we do live in "vanity run amuck!" And we do try to take the gorgeous "No, I'm not posing, I always effortlessly look like a movie star standing in weird, uncomfortable shoes, and spanx so tight that the only way I'm going to the bathroom tonight is if I have a pair of scissors in my hand so I can cut my way out of these suckers!"

Yep, we're the new posers. Sometimes we get it right.

And other times, the outcome is just.....AWKWARD.

Enjoy the AWKWARD (and a few of the pretty) at our expense. 

Beautiful Sister Pic

AWKWARD. 

What is she digging for?!?!

AWKWARD.

Some sort of dancing/mating call, I guess. 

AWKWARD.
Sunset behind us picture just looks creepy! WE make it look creepy!

 AWKWARD.
Jenni & Brenna cracking up. So sweet. So awkward! Love it 

AWKARD.
I'm too awkward for this picture!

AWKARD.
Posing like Minnie Mouse. Totally normal for a 30 yr old!

AWKARD.
I think Jessica is having a stroke & Jenn is praying for her. 

BEAUTIFUL.
Sisters all fancied up for Jenni's wedding. 

AWKWARD.
Creeper got in the photo. Brenna looks nervous/scared, etc. 

AWKWARD.
Di sticking her tongue out, Jenni smiling nervously and politely. 

BEAUTIFUL.
(but kinda awkward for some reason)

BEAUTIFUL.
The Johnson Girls: Jessica, Jenni and Linda Mae

AWKWARD and BEAUTIFUL
Only b/c we were pinning Jenni's wedding dress together...and b/c of the obvious (Elly the creeper photo bomber!)

AWKWARD AND AWFUL!
What was I thinking? 8.5 months pregnant and wearing all that shiny fabric. Tragic!

BEAUTIFUL!!
Jenni & Diana (gorg!!)

BEAUTIFUL!

Jes & Jenni are T.A.N.

TOTALLY AWKWARD!

Match Christmas pajamas! 

You're welcome! 

More Awkward family photos will be coming so get ready for those!

Do You Ever Just Feel....

...CUTE?!?! Yes, my "funny ha ha" mantra is "I picked pretty" - (see my "complete profile" before you get all judgy). 

But I don't feel pretty very often.  

Listen up girls, I KNOW we all have those days that we just don't like how we look. The pants are too tight. The shirt is wrinkled (and since the invent of Downey wrinkle spray we have NO idea where our iron is or how to use it IF we did indeed find it). We're having a bad skin day. A bad makeup day. A bad hair day. All-in-all, it's a bad mirror day. And then we drop our kids off at school, mother's day out, or we walk into the 'office' feeling as low as we can go, low-and-behold, there SHE is. Probably vetted as People magazine's "Most Beautiful Woman Alive" but she turned it down because she ate a grape and was bloated that day. The comparisons continue throughout the day until you downward spiral so severely that you resign yourself to going home, putting on old maternity pants and eating ice cream and drinking wine on the couch. Oh, just me? PUUUULLLLEEEAAASSSE, guuuurl! I know I'm preachin' to the choir. I know we're all in this boat together. 

But aren't you thankful for ONE day (in like 42 days) that you actually feel CUTE! 

I'm having that day. I feel cute today. I'm usually in yoga pants, sloppy pony tail & hat, minimal makeup (revealing all my skin conditions: dry, oily, old, wrinkled, eczema, acne). But today I did my hair and put on makeup...like really put on makeup. I'm wearing colorful clothes, not my usual "black is slimming" pants & shirt combo that makes me look more 'fashion victim' than 'fashion forward.' I'm wearing heals. My husband said, "You look pretty today." Hey, I'll take it! 

When I write people notes, I often end it by saying "KEEP GOING!" 
So today, if you feel ugly, gross, fat, less-than, defeated...KEEP GOING! Today ain't over and tomorrow is just on the horizon. Keep going! 

My hair started out BAAAAD today, but I kept going. The small victory for me was that, in the end, I feel cute. 

So KEEP GOING, GUUUURRRRL!! 

Here's some pics for the encouragement of your...laughter!

Curled bangs + Callick = YUCK!

So I kept going...

And check it, direct it! I pulled out my weapon of mass destruction (blue titanium flat iron) and whipped those bangs into perfect shape!

KEEP GOING!

I hope you feel cute.