Ode to Stephanie Ann Dale Miller
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I wanted to share something I wrote about a friend. She was a daughter, a sister, a wife and a mother. This is my belated "Mother's Day" thought...
April 11, 2013
ODE TO STEPHANIE ANN DALE MILLER
Some
news just plain hits you in the gut, takes your breath away, and breaks your
heart. I got that sort of news this evening. The kind of news that has made me
cry my eyes out, reflect, pray, wrestle with and submit to my Maker.
Here's
what happened:
I
walked in to meet my Mom for dinner tonight. Emery was freaking out like she
does every single time she sees her beloved grandma. She was moving as
quickly as she could through the crowd to get to Gaga and I was trying to guide
her with one hand so that she didn't plow down any bystander. In all the
commotion, I didn't notice how still Mom was. I didn't see her expression as I
guided Emmy into "Gaga's" lap, stuffed the diaper bag into the booth
and plopped my tired self down. And then I saw the look on her face. She
couldn't even look up to meet my stare as I instinctively asked,
"What's wrong, Mom?"
"Have
you checked Facebook in the last three hours?"
"Umm"
I had to think, "yeah, I think so...why? What's wrong?"
"I
can't say it."
She
slid her phone across the table and I picked it up with both haste and
reluctance. There it was. Facebook official from the page of my childhood
friend, Rachel, it read: "My sister, Stephanie Ann Dale Miller, has gone
to meet her Savior today." Steph had battled brain cancer for two and a half years and this cool day in April, she had drawn her last breath and was now healed and whole before her Lord. She was 37. She left behind a husband and two daughters.
I
bowed my head and wept. Thankfully I was wearing my workout clothes and a ball
cap that covered my face so I didn't cause anyone to lose their appetite with
my ugly cry. I unashamedly wept.
The
waitress stopped, "Are you okay? Can I get you anything?"
Mom
answered, "We just got sad news."
The
waitress, obviously a Believer, replied, "Should I bring chocolate cake?”
I'm
a Texas girl through and through but I am originally from Kansas City,
Kansas. Our family lived about a decade of my childhood years in Kansas before
Mom and Dad got right with the Lord and made our permanent home in Texas. God
was good to us in KS. We had tons of family around us, Grandma lived three
minutes away, we purchased our first house, belonged to a great church family
and best of all...we had The Dale Girls.
Mrs.
Dale, whom Jenni and I inappropriately and accidentally always called by her
first name, Nelda, was funny and charming and beautiful and full of life and
love and music and the Word. She loved God and she loved her family. And she
loved to laugh. And she raised her daughters with those characteristics fully
in tact.
The
youngest of Mrs. Dale's three daughters was Melissa. Melissa and Jenni were the
same age and they were thick as thieves. Adorable and silly and funny and so
incredibly annoying to me and...
Rachel...the
middle daughter and my best friend. Rachel was my age. Equally as
self-righteous and know-it-all as moa. It's a wonder we ever got along.
But Rachel was my muse. When we moved from KS to TX, she was the inspiration
for my now famous poem, "Friends In The Heart". (It will be
remembered with the greats, like Emerson and Dr. Seuss.) Rachel was smart and well
read and she always did what was right. She was the friend I didn't ever want
to disappoint.
And
then there was Stephanie. The eldest of three daughters. A natural beauty. An
entertaining thespian. A singer. An actress. A comedian. You name it, she could
do it, be it, mimic it. When Stephanie smiled, you couldn't help but wonder
what was behind the smile, because she didn't just smile, she laughed. There
was a laugh behind her smile. She smiled with her eyes, her cheeks, her nose
and her lips. Stephanie was larger than life. She was three and a half years
older than me. Just enough age difference for me to watch her, imitate her,
hold her in high esteem. I secretly worshiped and idolized her, even though I
pretended to be frustrated and annoyed when she would yell at me and Rae for
bothering her. Having no big sister of my own, Stephanie was my surrogate big
sister. She was bossy and loud and funny and sarcastic and charming and witty
and polite. She could speak comfortably in front of a crowd, even a crowd of
adults. As a matter of fact, she was incredible in front of a doting
congregation...her best and truest self. She oozed confidence and charisma.
Yeah, I totally worshiped her. She was always singing...usually some show
tune from a musical I had not yet seen or heard of. She had a great sense of
style that sometimes stretched her parents but she was obedient and in the end
she chose modesty and made it look cute. She had friends and she even had
boyfriends...whoa...she was so cool.
Steph
was so cool that "playing" with the four of us younger girls was
beneath her, and looking back, I totally get it! What would a thirteen-year-old
want to do with a herd of eight-and-ten-year-old babies? But every now and
again, we would beg, plead and somehow con Steph into helping us in one of our
games of school or house. The most memorable for me was the time the "Fab
Four" (i.e. Rachel, Jessica, Melissa & Jenni) joined forces to play
some sort of version of house. I think Rachel was the "Mom" because
she was making us all sandwiches in the "kitchen". And I
think Jenni, Melissa and I were all actresses or singers...maybe the first
Dixie Chicks. But the most notable moment of our pretend world game was when we
were going on "stage", doing our hair and makeup, and Stephanie
helped us stuff our shirts with socks so that we would look more
"womanly". Maybe I shouldn't write that, maybe it's inappropriate.
But we were young and innocent...and flat-chested. I remember Rachel being both
horrified and amused at the three of us and our voluptuous, yet lumpy bosoms.
Stephanie laughed the entire time she rolled tube socks for us. Showing us how
to tuck our shirts into our pants just right so that the socks were held into
perfect place. And when her masterpiece was finished, she paraded us into the
kitchen yelling, "Mom! You gotta see this!" Mrs. Dale laughed her
infectious howl and called Jenni "Dolly Parton".
Yes,
that's what I remember about Stephanie...teaching me how to stuff my shirt with
tube socks. Every girl needs a big sister to teach her the important things in
life.
But
the "Stephanie" memory that stands out as the brightest in my mind is
seeing Stephanie sitting in a wingback chair near the fireplace in the formal
living/sitting room holding her Bible. It sticks out in my mind because I
remember thinking, "That Bible is HUGE". She must have been reading a
study Bible or Life Application Bible because at that age, the Bible looked big
enough to be the "Family Bible" in Steph's small and delicate hands.
She was writing, maybe in the Bible, or maybe in a journal, but I thought,
"Look at her. She's reading the Bible and no one is making her." She
was maybe thirteen years old.
What
a testimony. Diving into the Word because she wanted to. Because she loved
Jesus. Because she was hungry for Truth. Because she was His.
In
later years, we would see The Dale Girls on other occasions when we would visit
family in KS. I had the honor of being a bridesmaid in Rachel's wedding when we
were nineteen. Stephanie was there...a newlywed. And she was even more fabulous
at 23 than she was at 13! And, again, I saw her reading her Bible one
morning. She was radiant. Beautiful. Full of Light and Love. She was full of
the Lord.
Steph
gave me great big sister advice on that trip, "Jessica, whatever you do,
DO NOT get your bangs trimmed the week before you get married." And then
she handed me her bridal portrait and she cackled as she let her laugh roll
from her belly. Her bangs were short. But I didn't laugh, I was breathless. She
was perfect. Flawless. She looked like a royal princess bride. And her prince,
Phillip, what a beautiful couple. They were regal and young and full of
life.
Three
years ago, my phone rang and to my surprise, it was Stephanie. She had read my
blog about our struggle with infertility. She was calling to offer me
encouragement and hope. She, too, had struggled in getting pregnant with their
second daughter, Emily. I remember telling her that I had stopped all fertility
treatment because my heart and mind couldn't take any more hurt and
disappointment for that season. Stephanie was quiet. She didn't try to fill the
space in my aching heart with empty words. She listened. And when she
responded, her words were wise and life giving. And later that year when I did
get pregnant, she sent me a message on FB telling me how happy she was for what
God was giving us. It was the same month that she was diagnosed with her brain
tumor. She was writing to offer me more encouragement and love and hope
even in the face of her own mountain.
And
so, when I read that she was now in Heaven, I hung my head, ball cap covering
my face, and I wept. Because the earth suffered a loss. And Heaven gained one
of its own. I know many family members greeted her. And I imagine that my Dad
waited in line to hug her and welcome her. And they smiled at each other…those
infectious smiles. And they laughed. And they worshiped at the feet of Jesus.
And
today though there are holes in earthly, human hearts because of our temporary
loss, Stephanie is whole. She is with her Savior, the Lover of her soul, her
Great Physician.
You
are missed, Stephanie. But you will never be forgotten.
Love Your
Surrogate Other Little Sister,
Jessica
(PS - I finally got boobs)
Proverbs 31:28-31
(Ode to Steph, the virtuous woman)
Her children rise up and call her blessed;
Her husband also, and he praises her:
“Many daughters have done well,
But you excel them all.”
Charm is deceitful and beauty is
passing,
But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall
be praised.
Give her of the fruit of her hands,
And let her own works praise her in the gates.”
Side Note:
I was blessed to attend Stephanie's funeral a week later and her brave Mama and Husband both spoke her praises AT the funeral...WOW!
Her Mom (Mrs. Dale, aka, "Nelda") left us with this incredible verse:
"I have no greater joy than to hear my children walk in truth." 3 John 4
Oh that we may all walk in this same joy so that we can hold each other again in heaven!
Go, ye, make disciples!!
(pictured below: Melissa, Stephanie, Rachel)
