Thankful for FRIENDS

This week on Studio 7 we talked about being thankful for our friends. I talked about my "Tribe" and I gave some tips for how to honor your friends this month as we give thanks for the many blessings in our lives. If you missed this week's episode of Studio 7, just click HERE to watch!  

Friends matter. They matter when you’re 5 years old and they matter when you’re 35, 55, and 85. Mama was right when she taught us to choose our friends wisely. There’s a proverb in the Bible that speaks to this principle. Even if you don’t believe in the Bible, you cannot deny the truth of this proverb, it says:

“Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion (friend) of fools suffers harm.” Proverbs 13:20

Pastor Craig Groeshcel says, “You show me your friends and I’ll show you your future.” That’s what this proverb means. Your friends have the influence to lead your life down a path – that’s why we need to evaluate our friendships and take time to be thankful for the ones that have stood the test of time and integrity.

Another proverb says : “A friend loves at all time and a brother/sister is born for a time of adversity (hardship, difficulty).” Proverbs 17:17

When you go to the hospital to have your first baby, you want your friends there. When you go to the funeral home, you also want those friends there to hold your hand. They are more than your friends, they are what I call my “Tribe.” They journey through life with me. They jump, scream and squeal in delight as my cheerleaders in the highlight moments of my life. And they hold my hand, weep with me and pass the Kleenex box when the heartbreak is too much to bear by myself.

So how do we say “THANK YOU” to our Tribal friends?

1.  Start simple: make a list of your five closest friends.

This sounds easier than it really is. We live in a FaceBook faux friendship world. You might have 1,000 FB friends and yet feel lonely. You're looking around saying to yourself, "I don't even have a friend to meet for lunch or to go to a movie with." This step of listing your five closest friends is more than just making another list, this is an evaluation of your relationships. Who is there for you? Do you need to open your heart up to meeting new friends? Let God reveal to you the truth of your 'friendship status' with people around you. 

2.  Next to each person’s name, write two or three of that person’s favorite things.

For example, my friend Lolly loves funny cards and ice cream. My friend Di loves all things leadership and all things inappropriate - we're soul sisters!

Set out to meet one or two of each person’s favorite things (i.e. I’ll send Lolly a funny card with a $10 gift card to baskin-robbins; I'll send Diana…well, uh, never mind.)

3.  GO THE EXTRA MILE:

Even if your friends’ favorite thing isn’t a card, hand write a card to your five Tribal friends telling them how much they mean to you and mail the cards. This isn’t a FB personal message or a text. This will take some time and effort. But your Tribal friends are worth the effort!

God uses the right people to lead us to the right mindsets and places in our lives. Your friends have probably helped bring you to where you are today…let them know you recognize them, value them and want to grow in relationship with them!

And Keep Going!

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Diana - sipping a mimosa on the morning of my wedding. She held my hand & prayed over me on my wedding day…and 7 weeks later she did the same thing when she helped me through my Dad's suicide. 

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Me & Lauren (aka, Lolly) sharing ice cream together when I visited her in FL after her second child was born. 

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Me & Jenni and our infamous sister pose. She & Di threw me a 30th birthday party…the theme was "Somewhere Over The Hill!" This Dorothy loving Kansas girl LOVED it!

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My only sister, Jenni, is my bestie for the restie. She is the best listener - and she's the LEAST judgmental person I've ever met. You can tell her ANYTHING and she won't think any different of you. She exhibits the true eyes of Jesus - that's the lens she looks through and that's why she doesn't judge, she just loves. 

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That time Di & my sister threw my surprise 30th birthday bash. Di is the most giving person I know. She'll do anything for anyone - even if you're not in her "Tribe". She will go the extra mile every single time! And she loves Jesus and the Word so much. She sharpens me. 

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Jessica (holding Karis), Jenni and Jennifer Wilson. Jennifer Wilson was the "new" friend who emerged following my Dad's death in 2005. She called every week just to ask me how I was & to share my experience with her - every week for two years. Now that's a friend!

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Who looks that gorgeous just a few weeks postpartum? Lauren, that's who! Lolly is the best wife and mom that I know. She has the true gift of putting her family in the priority place that God calls her to - and without whining or complaining about it (like I do a lot of the time). Lolly loves the church and is always pointing me to amazing sermons or books that keep my mind growing. Lolly stretches me! I love her for it!

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Gorgeous Jennifer Wilson - dang my friends are beauties! Jennifer is so godly. She is the strongest prayer warrior in my life. I love my JWow! (For the record, that makes ME Snooki)

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Jenni has held my hand and laughed and cried and looked into my eyes with that "I know. I'm here." for my entire life. We're gonna grow into old crazy ladies terrorizing the old people home. Going to "supper" at 3:45pm and probably forgetting our pants. But who cares. We'll sit and laugh and talk 'til midnight (6:45pm) every night. My soul sister. I HAVE to die before her b/c I can't live without her. 

P.S. Why do I look like a drag queen? And why are Jenni's arms so skinny? Some answers we'll just never get this side of heaven! 

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Jes & Di, circa 2006. Good grief - we spent our skinny years together. Along with our young years. 

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That time we went to Puerto Vallarta (and we got REALLY tan!). It's like Blonde Malibu Barbie and her friend, "Exotic and Ethnically Diverse" Barbie.

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Brad & Jes. Lauren & Daniel. We have more laughs with this couple! They keep up howling.  

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Di kissing my Emmy girl on Em's first birthday. It takes a village to raise a child! Di helps us so much. 

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Emery & Jennifer Wilson LOVE each other! Jenn gets a good laugh out of my strong-willed child. Glad SHE can laugh about it!

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Jenni is literally the funniest human being you'll ever meet in real life! She should be writing comedy for SNL!! This is Jenni mocking the "sexy selfie". 

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Could she be a more beautiful bride? If she had asked me to give her away, I couldn't have! Sorry, Jeremy, I'll share her, but she's still mine. 

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Jenni in a sweet-baby-sandwhich! Emmy loves her Nini. And Karis - don't you just wanna eat her up! 

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I love Di's curly wild hair - it is SO her! This day we were celebrating her graduation from nursing school. This wonder woman amazes me - she's seen it all, done it all and burned the t-shirts!

Fall into…THANKS

I want to give thanks for what God has done in my life. I grew up in a small baptist church singing, "Count your blessings, name them one by one.  Count your blessings see what God has done." It's the month of November and many of us are making it a social media "30 Days of Thanks". I love it. Corny? Who cares. I drive a minivan…I gave up caring what the popular kids think a long time ago! I embrace "corny."  

Looking back through the journals that I've written over the course of my life, I find that when I was in a funk, a depression, down, or sometimes just having a whiney-hormonal-pity-party, the thing that always brought me back "up" was when I began writing down the things I was thankful for. You can't stay down when you recognize how much you've been given. They say that "life is a party" and the great movie "Father of the Bride" taught us that, "Every party has a pooper, that's why we invited YOU!". 

Don't be the pooper at your own party.

When you feel like you're knee deep in a stinky sink hole, it's time to pull out your journal, instagram, twitter, or Facebook and begin chronicling the things you're thankful for. Count your blessings!

Today I'm most thankful that God saved me. He could have stopped there. But He didn't. He went on to give me even more. He's given me a wonderful, loving family and crazy awesome friends and opportunities that are out of this world. He's given me a man who is godly, loving, patient and forgiving - and this man loves me beyond anything I deserve.  He's given me a little mini-me (Emery Noel) who I can't take my eyes off of. She's perfect. I love everything about her because she was knit together in MY womb by the very hand of God. Wow. Blessed. Amazed. Thankful. Crying. Snorting. Laughing (at myself). 

I could go on and on for days…and I will…26 more, to be exact.  

I would love to follow YOUR '30 Days of Thanks' on twitter/intagram/facebook.

Leave me your "handles" in the "comments" section below and I will follow you through this month as you count your blessings. I'm excited to hear about what God has given you!

I invite you to follow MY '30 Days of Thanks': 

instagram: JujuPhillips

twitter: @churchladyjes

FaceBook: Jessica Johnson Phillips

Let's look at each other's lives and praise God for just how great He truly He.  

Giving was HIS idea first, after all! 

"God so loved the world that He GAVE His only Son that whosoever believes in Him will not die but will have eternal life."                                                                                         John 3:16

Fall into...FOCUS!

Fall into…FOCUS? That doesn’t sound like much fun, does it? What sounds like fun is running through Starbucks, grabbing a Grande Pumpkin Spice Latte and going to buy a new pair of red sequined Uggs. Yeah. That sounds like fun.

Do you know what’s no fun? Waking up on December 26th with the holiday hangover…you know what that looks like. You’re 7 pounds heavier, you’re flat broke and dreading the credit card statement that’s coming your way the first of January, and your family is in a huge fight or, worse, not speaking at all because you spent no quality time together throughout the holidays.

If we want to beat the holiday hangover, then we have to focus now.

Here’s the three areas that need our focus today:

1.  Tell Your Money Where To Go

Make a budget.  Sit down with your family and realistically write down what you have to spend on Christmas. It has to cover gifts for family, friends, and even gift exchanges. Everyone needs to agree to the budget. Sign it if it makes it more feel more real. Make a real commitment and then do a weekly check of how everyone’s doing. Decide on a drawer in your kitchen that you’ll each throw your spending receipts into. Appoint someone (Mom, Dad) the family accountant who adds up the receipts and tells the family how they’re doing each week.

Give yourselves a goal. If you underspend or don’t overspend, you’ll do _________. You fill in the blank. Maybe your family will go out for a steak dinner. Or maybe it’ll be burgers and bowling.

2.  Tell Your Time Where To Go

Make a schedule. Your time is an investment, don’t spend it on lesser things. What do I mean by “lesser things”? Lesser things are the things that aren’t necessarily a waste of your time, but they’re not the best use of your time. When we say “Yes” to something, we are automatically saying “No” to something else. And we easily over-extend ourselves in the holiday season – especially because our “Yes” usually is a “No” to our spouse or our kids.

Decide how many holiday parties you’re going to commit to. And be sure to hold that up to your budget – if you can’t afford another gift exchange, bow out politely. You’ll get another invite! Choose to make time for the people who matter most to you.

Create a special date night for you and your spouse. Have a couple of family nights at home where you make homemade caramel corn and you watch a movie with your family snuggled up on the couch. Make those special moments happen.

And enjoy holiday parties with your adult friends also! We need adult time to connect, share, laugh and relax.

Decide where you’ll spend the holidays. If you wait until the week before the holiday, you’re probably going to end up in an argument with your spouse, your mom, your in-laws. Do everyone a favor and get it lined out now – people like a plan, even flighty people, like me. I want to know where we’re going, when we’re expected to be there and what I’m supposed to bring. So make a plan and tell your time where to go.

3.  Tell Your Health Where To Go

Make a plan to eat right and work out.  This is the difficult one for me…I want to eat all the goodies like I did when I was 22, you know, back when I could eat it all and my hips not pay the price. But now when I do that, I do pay the price. And I don’t want to have to buy a new sweat pant wardrobe to ring in the new year!

I need to focus on continuing to do the healthy things I’m doing right now…right on through the holidays. We need to keep exercising. We need to care about our daily food intake. Let’s eat healthy. And let’s also enjoy some pumpkin pie or cobbler or a yummy dinner roll.

In all three of these areas you’ll do better if you have someone to hold you accountable.

Ask a friend to be your health adviser, or your time adviser or your budget coach during the November & December months. And make yourself show them a calendar of the days you worked out and when you ate great and when you ate bad. Tell your time adviser how your weeks are shaping up and let that person remind you that you can’t add anything else unless you choose to not sleep. Being accountable for your choices to another person makes you want to do better. 

In all these things, propel yourself forward! January 1, 2014 is coming and it's going to be the time where we have to face all our bad money, time and health choices in the months we are enjoying now; OR it can be the time when we celebrate that we were disciplined. Be focused. Keep going!

The Highlight Steal

The highlight reel is the place where we come and sort of brag about the highlight's of our lives. But if we aren't careful, the highlight reel can steal our lives and our identities. We can become slaves to the criticism or the applause. 

Author Jon Acuff says we should have people we come to and share our exciting life events with...he calls this place the "brag table". Jon says, "Celebrating some accomplishment or goal doesn't make you a jerk...Being vulnerable about your failures is only half of the story; you have to be vulnerable enough to share your successes too." (from the book, "Start" by Jon Acuff, pages 184-185).  

Oh dang. That is difficult for me. Pride is a funny thing because the flip-side of it is insecurity. If you acknowledge that you struggle with one, you're silently acknowledging your struggle with the other. My fear of pride often gives way to insecurity seeping from every pore of my body and either way it seeps out, I'm covered in a gross mess. 

Insecurity beckons false humility. It's still a self-centered "me" mindset, albeit focus is on the flaws of who you think you are, but self-focus remains at the root. It's the part of me that cannot accept a compliment. My friend Lisa used to tell me, "Jessica, stop throwing away my compliments." GREAT life advice. It's okay to receive compliments and praise. I want to learn to receive it well, don't you?  

And now may I introduce the flip-side of insecurity. She is cloaked in fabulousness and does she ever know it. Her name is Pride. And Pride beckons applause.  

Lady Gaga sings it: 

"I live for the applause, applause, applause

I live for the applause-plause

Live for the applause-plause

Live for the way that you cheer and scream for me

The applause, applause, applause

Give me that thing that I love (I'll turn the lights on)
Put your hands up, make 'em touch, touch (make it real loud)
Give me that thing that I love (I'll turn the lights on)"

How frightening. "Give me that thing that I love. Put your hands up. I live for the applause." Pride. Self-worship. Scary. Scary because I step easily between the insecurity trap directly into the pride trap. And scary because scripture is clear that Pride comes before a fall. Pride comes and brings with her her BFF, disgrace (Proverbs 11:2).  I've lived in enough self-induced disgrace to know that I don't want to be her friend anymore. 

So how do we strike a balance between self-depravation (insecurity) and applause (pride)?  

First of all, we have to be grounded in something bigger than ourselves. Knowing that I am God's child should shoot HUGE God-sized wholes through my insecurity, while keeping me humble that I am the created, not the Creator, thus keeping my pride at bay. Knowing I'm called to the high purpose of serving people will keep my knees bowed low before the mighty God of the universe and when I am bowed low I can neither be puffed up with pride nor depressed by insecurity. I cry out to you to "get low" today! 

And here's my final thoughts for today, and I don't offer these lightly because they are my biggest struggle in this season of my life: 

Don't let what other people do for you, or don't do for you, be a reflection of what you deserve! What they do or don't do is a reflection of who THEY ARE, not a reflection of who you are. Don't let it define you.  

We can be slaves to criticism and also to applause. So get low before God today so that the only One you're slave to is big enough to never exploit you! 

Keep Going!! 

Last week was a big week for me with the premier of Studio 7. My family and friends were incredibly gracious to me - reflections of who they are and Who they serve!  

Can I bring a few things to the brag table??  

A card from my sister, Jenni. I opened it and hid my face - bawled like a baby...in public!

A chalkboard note from Brad & Emmy

A balloon bouquet from my Mama

Sweet card from Brad & Emmy

Emmy's signature.

Super happy adrenaline face

And the next day...my super exhausted adrenaline dump face.