The Highlight Reel

I sat in the Houston airport terminal waiting to board my final flight to Orlando for my long-awaited and belated birthday trip to see my bestie, Lauren (a.k.a. Lolly). Lolly gave me the best birthday present ever...her new baby boy Colton - he was my ultimate birthday present because God let him enter our world and share my birthday. I waited with baited breath for my next flight.

I pulled out my phone, like everyone else, trying to avoid the awkward airport conversation, "Where are you headed? Where are you from? What do you do? Nice to meet you...blah blah blah..."  

I pulled up my social media sites so I could feel "connected" and entertained. Facebook. Twitter, Instagram. They are the equivalent of my crack. I inhaled and breathed out with elation as each site showed me glimpses into the lives of people I barely know.

This woman posted a photo of the flowers her husband brought her. (How nice.)

That person told about her child's school accomplishment - reading at a third grade level when only in first grade. (Wow. Your kid is a little genius. Yay for you.)

Another woman described the breakfast her husband brought her while she lay in bed waking up. (Breakfast in bed? Are you freaking kidding me?) 

I was relieved when I boarded the plane and the flight attendant told passengers it was time to shut off all portable devices. The phone went "off" and I breathed a sigh of disappointment. Somehow all these good things going on in everyone else's life made me feel...bad. My life was sub-par, not measuring up to the high standard of everyone else's lives on FB, Twitter and Instagram. I thought to myself, "Brad hasn't brought me flowers in six months. Is our marriage in trouble? And Emery isn't even reading yet! She'll never catch up to that kid reading at a third grade level. I need to hire Emery a reading tutor. I know she's only 2, but pulease, if we lived in China she'd already be blogging."

My thoughts went on and on until I realized how ridiculous I sounded. Even in my own mind I could hear the absolute silliness of this little game I call "My life sucks because I'm comparing myself to everyone else."

It was an "Aha" moment in my life. A moment when I had new insight and clarity. It occurred to me that the moments we post on our social media accounts are merely "The Highlight Reels" of our lives. We are posting the best-of-the-best moments of each day or week or month that we choose to share. We aren't posting a photo of the unmade couch that our husband slept on because of the fight we had. We're posting the picture of the flowers he brought us the day after the fight. We're leaving the information about the fight out altogether. It makes us sound like we're living in a rom-com (for my Mom & Sister who do not speak in abbreviations, that's short for: Romance-Comedy). The truth is, we're all just living. 

If you don't want the Highlight Reel to get you down, maybe these three steps will help you. This is what God spoke to me in my "aha" moment: 

1.  Recognize it for what it is...it's a Highlight Reel.

Before I log on to FB, Twitter, or Instagram, I've got to put on the mindset that I'm about to look at the highlight moments of the lives of everyday, normal people; people just like me. 

2.  Stop Comparing!

The "My life sucks" game is a comparison game. And there's no win in comparison. Comparison divides. Comparison whispers, "She got flowers because she's a better wife. Her kid is testing higher because she's a better mom. He brought her breakfast in bed because she works harder." All of those lies add up to the biggest lie of all: I'm not enough. I need to be better, stronger, faster, smarter, thinner, prettier, godlier.  

Proverbs 14:30 says, "A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones."

Comparison causes us to look over our shoulder and envy what "she" has. In the end, it robs us of our true selves, the life God has called me to live. She and I have different purposes in God's plan but I can waste away my purpose. The Bible says I can rot away that purpose through my pity party of looking at her with envy and believing I couldn't be of value because I'm not her. 

James 3:16 tells us the end result of envy,

"Where you have envy and selfish ambition, you will find disorder..."

"Disorder" means no peace. The end result of our comparison game is that we rot away in a life with no peace. Ummm, no thank you.

3.  Celebrate Other People's Highlight Moments

Hit "Like" on that women's photo of the flowers her husband gave her. Leave her a comment that says, "So glad he knows how blessed he is to have YOU! You're special & you deserve flowers everyday!" 

The quick way to get over our envy is to celebrate other people's happy moments. If envy and selfish ambition bring no peace, then is it possible that love, kindness and good will could bring peace to your life? It's worth a shot. 

Okay, so I couldn't leave this at just 3 simple steps. I think we need a challenge. I'm calling step 4 a "faith" step because it will require faith to see this through.  

4.  Be Vulnerable

Vulnerability isn't easy. Where comparison divides, vulnerability unites. Vulnerability says, "me too." Vulnerability leaves a FB post that says, "I'm looking for a 7th grade math tutor, a wish and a prayer. If you could send one or all three I'd be indebted to you for all eternity." All Moms and Dads with kids struggling in academics will laugh, "like" your post and they'll extend every resource they have to help that parent. Because they understand where you're at. As they click "Like" they're really saying, "Me too." 

Vulnerability is why I write this blog. I can't keep up a facade that life is perfect or pretty or easy. That's too much work for such a dirty lie.  

You don't have to air out your family's dirty laundry, please don't. But it is okay to let down your pretenses and be your true self. It's okay to admit that you don't have a perfect marriage or perfect kids or the perfect career.  

It's okay to be YOU because God made YOU for a specific purpose - and we'll never figure out that purpose when we're comparing, envying and being insecure. 

Enjoy the highlight reel this week! Follow my misbehaved life on these three social media sites: 

Facebook: Jessica Johnson Phillips

Twitter: @churchladyjes

Instagram: jujuphillips

PS - keep going! 

Disqualified, Part 2

...here's a word for you!  

A few years ago I began blogging as an outlet during the heartbreak of our fertility issues. After I got pregnant and had Emmy I stopped blogging. Dumb. I know. I got busy with my new life as a stay-at-home-wife-mom-housekeeper-cook (all my friends just LOL-ed). But a few months ago I was at a leadership conference and God stirred my heart in an unmistakable way. I believe He was reconfirming His call on my life to write. So I got back to writing & blogging. 

So I'm going along blogging my heart out for two months when my news anchor friend contacts me to ask if I would consider becoming her family/faith/relationship contributor on her new lifestyle t.v. talk show. Umm, someone pinch me. Is this happening? Umm, someone pinch me again. I'm not qualified to do this...   

And just like that I began a downward spiral of self-doubt that needed no help from Satan to kick me and keep me down. I could do "kicking and keeping me down" all by my bad little self.  

At the bottom of my doubt, God began reminding me of His Truth, His Word. He whispered, "I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you, not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11). Yes. I believe that. Then as doubt and insecurity crept back up, He whispered again, "You are my workmanship, my masterpiece! You were created in my Son to do good works that I prepared in advance for you to do." (Ephesians 2:10).

I still don't feel qualified but I believe I am called. Christine Caine says "God doesn't call the qualified. He qualifies the called." 

I don't feel qualified for the work and opportunities in front of me. I still feel like an awkward eight grade girl with braces, glasses and pubescent acne (I still have the acne). The opportunity to speak into people's lives about relationships (i.e. marriage, parenting). Wow. What a great opportunity. What a huge responsibility. 

Struggling to accept all this goodness, I decided I needed a mental break. Girl time was necessary. I called my sister and we took our girls for donuts, bought them new shoes and let them play at the mall's indoor playground. Leaving the mall, Jenni and I saw that Dillard's had a clearance on their children's clothes...score! We gazed and gathered quickly as our children began wilting.

I stood at the Dillard's children's counter with my two fabulous clearance items waiting patiently for the lady in front of me to finish her transaction. My child was not waiting patiently. She was holding my one free hand but moving away from me so that just our fingertips were touching. "Emery Noel, you have to hold Mama's hand." She looked at me, saw that I was stuck in line and her evil master plan would work...so she went for it! She took off running faster than a Kenyan at the Olympics. Can I say that? I just did. 

I stuffed the clearance items in my sister's hand and took off running, screaming to my sister, "Put the clothes back on the racks. I'm not buying her anything!" As I ran through the store I yelled at innocent bystanders, "Look out! Kid coming your way. Don't trip!" I noticed many people stop, look down just in time to see Emery race past them, and then look at me and laugh. They laughed. At me. The family/faith/relationship girl. When I finally caught up to her, I was out of breath and I had shin splints. I'm not kidding. Pathetic. Note to anyone reading this: next time you see me running through a store to capture my disobedient child, please help a sister out and trip that sweet child of mine. Good grief! 

We piled into my minivan and drove home. I promptly put Emmy down for a nap and then I cried. "I'm so not qualified to tell anyone how to do anything, most of all parenting." I felt disqualified. Like I just got caught taking the juice (is that the right sports terminology?). Except that my "juice", the disqualifying factor, was my lack of ability to maintain a pretend sense of control and calm in my life. Chasing my kid through the mall made me feel disqualified to talk about relationships and parenting.   

I told my friend, Di, about the incident a few days later and she roared with laughter. I was only at a point where I could politely chuckle about it. And then she spoke wisdom into my discouraged heart, "Jessica, that is exactly why Tatum wants you to be the family/faith/relationship person on her show. Because you'll tell that story. And the majority of moms will relate. And you'll offer them hope, unity, love. And, hey, if nothing else, you'll make 'em laugh...at your expense!" True that. 

God didn't call me to do any of this, writing/speaking, because I'm qualified. My sin has disqualified me from everything good. But His Son, on the cross, disqualifies my sin and calls me out as His daughter, thus qualifying me as royalty. How much more qualification do I need? 

He called me, I answered and now He will qualify me for the work He has planned for me to do. 

He'll qualify you, too. Listen, obey, answer His call. Today. Not when you've quit smoking or cussing or when you've lost 10 pounds or when you've fallen back in love with your husband or when you've served in your church for one year or when you've stopped sleeping with your boyfriend for three months. Stop trying to qualify yourself. Do what God's asked you to do and do it now. When you're not qualified, or when you feel disqualified. You can't qualify yourself - that's God's job. Your job is to answer His call with a "Yes." Get going and keep going!

Disqualified, Part 1

I was introduced to public speaking my first year of college. I was 18. The course was "Women's Speech" (I think a man just screamed "NNNNOOOOOO!" somewhere.) As though we women folk need help in the speaking department. Isn't that innate? Yes, maybe. But speaking and public speaking are two very different things. The class had only 12 people, just enough for it not to get the ax from the local community college I attended. All 12 of us were women. My BFF and I were the youngest in the class by about twenty years. It was community college - the majority of students were returning students or "later-in-life" students, my unsung heroes.  

When I got up in front of the class to give my first speech my knees were literally knocking together. I was trembling from head to toe. I gave my half-hearted speech, which I am sure was utter torment for everyone, and then I cried. Yes. I said I cried. 

I think I actually cried while giving the speech. And my sweet BFF sat on the front row and cried with me/ for me. (That's a true friend.) I wasn't giving a personal story about my life that pulled some deeply rooted emotion out of me. I wasn't speaking about the time my dog Aimee Jo Johnson died. The speech was not hinged on anything that should incite tears.

I cried out of my utter fear of public speaking. I cried because I didn't want anyone to look at me and see the flaws I saw in myself. I cried because I felt exposed and vulnerable and out of control. So my response to not wanting to be exposed and vulnerable and out of control was to cry in front of my professor and my classmates. Great plan, Jes. Awesome. It was so bad that my professor took pity on me and said I could video my next speeches and show the tapes to the class. I did not give another speech in that class. I videotaped every assignment, created faux commercials, added theatrics using my friends (yes, the dork who cried during her first public speech had friends), and I earned an A. But I did not learn the art of public speaking. 

After that class, I did not give another public speech for five years. The next time I spoke to an audience was in 2003 when I taught the high school class my church. The group was large, about 75 kids, and I was terrified. But I knew that God had something to say and He wanted to say it through me. Why me? I dunno. I wasn't qualified. I was a total screw up. A total screw up who relied on Jesus more than anything else because I knew that if I didn't I might screw up again and the next time might be the last time. So I studied my heart out and I spoke. And I didn't cry. And you know what? People said I did a good job. The kids asked the student pastor if I could speak again, and he let me! And then other groups in the church heard that I was a decent communicator, so I got to speak at this thing or that shin-dig. And then I had the ultimate privilege of team-teaching with my pastor and the high school student pastor on "Student Day" on a Sunday morning in May 2005. A Sunday morning...in west Texas...and I'm a GIRL!!! And that went really well, so God began increasing the opportunities and the size of the audience. I still can't believe what God has let me do; where He's brought me. I feel alive when I'm in front of 1,000 people. I feel excited to offer them Jesus, a hope and a laugh. It feels like I'm operating in my calling but there are many times when I still struggle with not feeling qualified. 

Have you been there? Do you struggle with feeling qualified to do what is before you? God's got this thing He's offering you and you're sassing back saying, "Who me? I'm not just not qualified...my life, my choices make me disqualified."  

Keep going, sister. I'm right there with you. And do I have a word to share with you...

Season Premiere

It's here...Fall. It's my favorite season. I live in the west Texas panhandle, so I use the word "season" loosely.  

I love pumpkins. And pumpkin spice lattes (I think I just heard a baptist shout "AMEN!"). I love layers of clothing with cute boots, a sloppy side bun and a hat. I love pumpkin patches, cinnamon, caramel, and candy corn. It's a miracle that by January 1 I'm not a candidate for "The Biggest Loser". I love the crispness that arrives in the air. I enjoy waking up early to read my Bible while it's dark outside and there's a slight chill in the air in my cozy home. I love grabbing my slippers, my robe, my favorite mug and filling it with coffee and spending time with the Lord. Yummy, yummy Fall. Did I mention that I love it?

You know what else I love about the Fall? I love the season premiere of all my favorite t.v. shows. I drudge through the hot, episode-less summer to wake up in late September to the perfect combination of cooler weather and good t.v. (I think I just heard a baptist shout, "Good T.V.? That's an oxymoron.") Sorry to disappoint, but if you're looking for the t.v.-less spiritual giant, you're on the wrong blog. New episodes of my favorite shows is just another way the world reminds me that the season is changing. And usually after I've endured another summer of living-on-the-Texas-sun-hotness, I'm ready for a season change. 

My life is in a season change right now. It gives me goosebumps when I stop and think about all that God is doing, all that He is revealing to me. I've been through a season recently where I thought God forgot that He created me with a purpose and a hope and a future like Jeremiah 29:11 promises. I thought He had moved on to someone with more talent, a bigger heart, better time management, or a higher education. I felt like I was in a season of identity crisis...lost identity. 

But God never forgot me. He never left me. He was working all along to prepare me for this new season of life. A season when a sweet friend contacted me to tell me she was pursuing her dream and getting her own daytime lifestyle t.v. show...it premieres in my favorite Fall month of October...and she asked me to be her relationship/faith contributor. Wow. Overwhelmed. Undeserving. But prepared. Not because I know so much, but because I know nothing yet I'm learning so much. So a new season is birthed out of what I'm seeking to learn about God, life, marriage, parenting, aging parents, friendships. All the things that really matter - and now God is giving me an outlet to share His hope & truth through those life lessons.

I was in a season where I wanted to stop and give up. God whispered, "Keep Going!". 

I hope you'll hang on today and keep going! God might be on the verge of starting a new season in your life. Don't give up one day too early.  

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens..."       Ecclesiastes 3:1

Please tune in on Monday, October 21st to Studio 7 on CBS 7 at 4:30pm. It will be the season premiere - the very first show! Visit us on Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/studio7cbs7